![]() Guy B: spent the same one hour emailing and talking to a woman to make sure his first date feels like a second date. Guy A: goes out for a one-hour blind date with a stranger he’s texted three times. Who has invested his time more wisely? (It’s not the one you think!) Who is more likely to have a better first date because he’s built up more trust and rapport? So if 50 guys are texting their numbers, sending dick pics and demanding to meet ASAP…while one guy is emailing funny stuff on Match and Gmail before connecting on the phone, who is more likely to get that first date? Do many more find it delightful that a guy wants to get to know her before they meet? You bet. Are some women weirded out by this? Sure. Finally, since every other guy was urgently pushing her to set up a date by text, I’d set up a time to talk to her on the phone when I was driving home from work. And after I made a unique connection online, I would leave Match and offer to go to Gmail to continue talking – just like stepping outside at that party. Instead, I would have an email conversation just like that 15 minute IRL talk at the bar. Text me if you want to hang out on Friday,” what was the point of doing the same thing? Well, if every other guy was sending first emails that said, “Hey, you’re hot. Why me – when I wasn’t the tallest, richest, or best-looking guy out there? Once, I went out with a woman on Match who only wrote back to 5 guys out of 500. When I was single, I realized that my power lay in my ability to differentiate myself. So how can we use online dating in a more constructive way for both genders? This feels good, both to you and to a woman – far better than the endless treadmill of dating apps. You follow up the next day to set up a date for the following weekend. ![]() An hour later, you ask for her number before you leave. 15 minutes later, you ask if she’d like to step outside to continue the conversation where it’s quieter. Think about what it feels like to meet someone in real life instead of through online dating. It’s time to try another one that works – and has worked forever. It’s the medium of dating apps themselves that CAUSE these problems.Įveryone is disposable, and then we complain about disposable we feel.Įveryone feels disappointed and rejected but nobody tries to do anything differently because, well, this is just the way things are done in 2019. Yes, this is a double-edged sword that is killing online dating for you right now.įor all you think it’s a great idea to have a wide texting harem, the most desirable women have even MORE options than you do.Īs an impartial third-party observer, it would seem to me that it’s not that men or women are the problem. If you’re texting a dozen women at once from a dating app, how important is any one woman to you? How much do you have invested in her? Why would you go out of your way to treat her well when there’s always another woman on tap?īut then again, neither would she. In a world where the easiest thing to do is swipe right and indiscriminately text women in order to procure dates with the minimal amount of effort, the way to go on better first dates is to invest more time in fewer women. But it requires you to zig when everyone else is zagging. With either extreme, you are not nor getting into a relationship with a high-quality woman with genuine self-esteem through online dating. Act like an alpha male jerk and you’re not being authentic. Act like a nice guy – by spending time, money and energy – and get rejected. Thus, I am intimately familiar with your frustration about the dating process. I’ve been a dating coach for 15 years now – married for the past 10 – and while focus is in helping women make healthier relationship choices, I also dated 300 women before getting hitched. Some women are insecure about how you’ll judge them on their looks (and are they entirely wrong?)īut if you have drawn these conclusions – and are still stuck in swiping and texting hell instead of a happy relationship, I’d hope you’d be open to the possibility that maybe – just maybe – there’s something you can do different to get a different result with online dating. Some women have impossibly high standards. These are logical conclusions that are based in some measure of truth.
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